put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
