I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
please don't ironically join a cult
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