I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
