I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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