You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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