I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
