ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
