Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
