Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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