fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
