i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
