I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
