if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
