I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Where is the hickey?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have fence marks all over my body
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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