If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
