I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
