I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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