According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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