Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
