1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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