i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
