I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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