So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
