she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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