my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
