dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
