I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
