and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize