nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
