I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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