Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
