apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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