Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
