I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I want to fling myself into the sun
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
