Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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