I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
