i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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