"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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