Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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