just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
