Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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