Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
