so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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