Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
