Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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