I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Mom said you looked used
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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