Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
