just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
