sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
