Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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