sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
