moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
