I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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