I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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