I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
