just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
