A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
